the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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