I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
