Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
