bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
