his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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