He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
