Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize