Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
