doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
