your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
