I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
