based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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