There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pooping to opera.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
