Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
