yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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