Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cannot find my penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
