Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is Oprah even human
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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