it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
