I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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