Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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