Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
