I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
