I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
