sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She announced her abortion via fbk
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
