Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
