i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize