The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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