I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
