moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
