i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
