I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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