I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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