OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
