Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
smell my finger.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
