he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
