i just wanna soil my oats bro
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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