Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
