I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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