kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
