My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
