i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
