Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize