I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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