and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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