just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
