nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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