tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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