yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
