I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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