Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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