Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
