bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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