i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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