omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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