Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i drank out of a bidet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
