so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
