PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
