Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
