I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
