I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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