Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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