I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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