spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
