I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ttyl tear gas
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
