Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Randomize
