her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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