Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
