I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
